Chabad's innovative "Mitzvah Tank" program, which uses a fleet of specially-outfitted recreational vehicles as part of its extensive outreach program, is about to get a very significant upgrade just in time for the upcoming Passover holiday. After extensive testing in the Chicago area and at the Aberdeen Proving Grounds, new Mitzvah Tanks are ready to roll. Thanks to a generous donation by an anonymous benefactor, the first of these new, updated Mitzvah Tanks will come to a neighborhood near you sometime next week.
In Chicago's Daley Plaza
Rabbi Almoni Riding the Mitzvah Tank
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At a ceremony in Chicago's Daley Plaza, attended by members of the Jewish community as well as many public dignitaries, Chabad of Chicago unveiled its new Mitzvah Tanks to the general public. Speaking for the citizens of Chicago, Mayor Richard J. Daley proclaimed, "Once again, Chicago leads the way for the nation. We're proud of Chabad's new initiative to reach out to the citizens of this great city."
"We've outgrown recreational vehicles," said Rabbi Almoni, head of the local fleet in the Chicago area, as he proudly posed on top of the first of the new Mitzvah Tanks. "We needed larger, more capable vehicles with the power to really get our message across." And there's another benefit, says Rabbi Almoni. "With our new fleet, we won't have to take 'no' for an answer when we want to set up an outpost," he said with a smile.
The new tanks are modified versions of the U.S. Army's M1A1 "Avi" Abrams main battle tank. The main gun has been upgraded to a 155mm etrog launcher. "The etrogim fit right into the shells," explained Reuven, the main gunner for the Mitzvah Tank. "They're padded against impact, and the shells fit into an automated loader right here. I can deliver 20 etrogim per minute over a range of 1.5 kilometers."
We were a bit surprised by Reuven's answer: after all, how could he see someone that far away? We asked Shimon, the Mitzvah Tank's commander, who pointed proudly to a console installed in the tank's main compartment. "The M1A1 uses a laser-based 'lidar' system to pinpoint targets," he explained. "Using special upgrades, we've transformed this into a 'Jewdar' system. We can find Jews in the dark, during rain storms, and around corners. Just crossing the street won't let you hide from us any longer."
More Mitzvahs, Faster and Easier
Some of the other custom modifications will have a direct and powerful impact on how well the Mitzvah Tanks will carry out their primary mission. All hatches have been fitted with special military-grade mezzuzahs, armored against impact. The camouflage netting was removed and replaced with roll-up "s'chach" to use during the Succot holiday. The mortar on the back of the tank is equipped with two new classes of shells. With the new pamphlet shell, a Mitzvah Tank can bombard a 5 square kilometer area with literature to "soften up" an an area before entering it. The other newly-developed shell can disperse liquids over a large area — an important consideration during Purim or Passover, when it can be used to provide wine or grape juice instantly to an entire neighborhood.
Another important modification is the conversion of the tank's standard missle launchers from RPG (Rocket Propelled Gernades) to TPB — Tefillin Placement Bola. The TPB fires a spinning "bola-style" projectile that wraps tefillin completely around a subject. "I can hit a target first time at 100 meters," says gunner Reuven, proudly. "Even if they're running away from me, which for some unaccountable reason seems to happen a lot lately."
Kitchen Cleanup
Levi, who operates the auxillary systems of the tank, showed off his prize acquisition . "With this flame thrower," he said, "we can kasher an entire kitchen for Passover in under 3 minutes. Even faster, sometimes."
We asked Rabbi Almoni if he thought the new Mitzvah Tanks would make a favorable impression on the local Jewish community. "Absolutely," he said. "We used to get complaints from time-to-time from Jews who didn't want to be approached. Since we've deployed our new systems, we haven't heard a peep out of the public. I think they're overwhelmed with joy when they see us cruising down their block, pushing aside or crushing any obstacles, and clank up to their kitchens to kasher them. They're always happy to leave their homes immediately to let us proceed. Certainly absolutely no one has ever stuck around to complain."
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