While these customs may be true for some people, a Chassidic wedding follows its own course. In the sacred union between the bride (a kallah), the groom (a choson) and God, the Jewish people celebrate the sacred occasion with an elaborate collaboration of fasting, faith and festivities.
During the marriage celebration of Mendy Pevzner and Sarah Carlebach of the Chabad of Central New Jersey on Sunday, a traditional religious wedding ensued, culminating a week's worth of prayer to prepare for a lifelong commitment to each other. Since in the Jewish religion a man and woman are each considered to be half a person, the wedding ceremony, or chasunah, signifies the completion of the souls of the kallah and choson.
As a result, for an entire week before the ceremonial day, the couple studied the Torah and deepened their relationships with God. They avoided all contact with each other and were treated like royalty, unable to be in public without a personal escort.
On the holy day of that week, the choson read the letters of the Torah and was showered with fruits and nuts to symbolize hopes for a sweet and fruitful marriage. The kallah had a similar party in which her family expressed the same wishes for her marriage.
On the actual wedding day, the bride and groom fasted until after they became husband and wife. They reflected on their past actions, asked for forgiveness for their previous wrongdoings and recited the Book of Psalms.
"In the week prior to the wedding, the bride and groom generally finish preparations for married life, that is, preparing their house and finish learning the Jewish family purity laws. They usually stay at their parents or other family," said Carlebach's brother, Rabbi Mendy Carlebach, of the Chabad of North and South Brunswick.
At the reception, which was held at the Chabad House at Rutgers University on College Avenue, the kallah and choson participated in preceremonial festivities in separate areas as to not see each other. The bride greeted guests while sitting on a throne in one room, while the groom prayed with his male counterparts in a separate room. A marriage contract was signed by the couple and their parents to represent the commitment between the two future newlyweds. A plate was broken to symbolize the irreversible breaking of a plate and, thus, an engagement.
Although the reception began at 5
p.m., the Bedeken, or veiling of the bride, began around 6:30 p.m. At this time, the choson was escorted by his father and father-in-law and was accompanied by relatives and friends to greet his bride. However, Carlebach kept her face down as to not make eye contact with Pevzner, so that he could place a veil over her face. While "The Alter Rebbe's Niggun of Four Stanzas" was sung, the concealing of the woman signified the kallah living up to the ideals of Jewish modesty and her unapproachableness by other men.
After the veil was secured, a procession was led outdoors for the Chupah ceremony. The starlit service represents the blessing of God to Abraham that his seed be as numerous as the stars and the desire that the home be protected and guided by God.
Pevzner was escorted to the platform and awaited his bride under the canopy. Carlebach was led down the aisle by her mother and mother-in-law, transitioning her from her parents' home to the new home of her husband. The bride and the family then circled the groom seven times, reminiscent of the seven-fold bond established between the bride, groom and their families; the seven times the Tefillin straps are wrapped around a man's arm, which represents the binding of love; the seven-day process in which the Jews believe the earth was created; and the seven times the earth revolved on its axis on those seven days.
Following the circular procession, a series of prayers and blessings began. A letter from Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, the Lubavitcher Rebbe and mentor of the Chabad movement, commenced the ceremony. Rabbi Carlebach read the document in English, which stressed an accomplished young man caring for his bride and building a house on the Torah and its mitzvahs (good deeds).
A kohen and cantor then offered their priestly blessings to the couple. Two witnesses observed the placing of the ring on the right forefinger of the kallah, the handing over of the marriage contract and later, the breaking of the fast in a private room.
"May we all be blessed by God Almighty to celebrate simkahs [joyous occasions] for years to come," one rabbi said.
In addition, while under the chupah, seven bracha were read by relatives over the drinking of wine, a symbol of joy and abundance. The holiness of the Sabbath, the love and protection of God, the creation of man in God's image, the restoration of Jerusalem, the hope of the growth of love between the bride and groom and the redemption of the Jewish people were proclaimed at this time.
The ceremony then concluded with the breaking of a glass, in remembrance of the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, symbolizing the breaking of hearts in remembrance.
After receiving congratulations from everyone in attendance, the married couple went indoors and stepped over a silver spoon with their right foot before entering the yichud, or private room. They shared a few intimate moments together and broke their fast.
In this particular marriage, the Pevzners then celebrated with a wedding feast at the Hyatt Regency Hotel on Albany Street. The male and female relatives and friends danced around the kallah and choson, in the same room but separated by dividers to promote modesty, to express their support for the couple and to promise the couple will never face life alone. At the end of the celebration, the "Grace After Meals" was recited and the seven blessings from the Chupah ceremony were repeated.
For seven days following the wedding, the couple will invite their family and friends into their homes, beginning their life together in their community and giving the "new house in Israel" a solid foundation.
"The week following the wedding is known as the Sheva Brachos, literally meaning the seven blessings. Each day following the wedding a festive meal is held in honor of the bride and groom," Carlebach said.
As a result of this lengthy and elaborate process of finding a mate and them dedicating their lives to God through religion and prayer, the divorce rate in the Chassidic sector is said to be much lower than in other communities.
"When a chossid dates, he or she dates with the intent of marrying and is not dating for the fun of it. Hence, the mindframe and the process of dating and marriage eliminate lots of uncertainty," Carlebach said.
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