Not The Godol Hador: Guest Post from Mis-nagid (It's okay!)

Not The Godol Hador: Guest Post from Mis-nagid (It's okay!)
Licking Lubavitch or Licking Lubavitch?

The JBlog world was given a jolt of energy by the banning of Rabbi Nosson Slifkin's books. This popular blog got its start by covering the issue, as did many others. Orthodox Jewish bloggers were able to use their anonymity to speak loudly about a topic that others were happy to simply slink away from. Enough has been said about the ban; I only bring up the topic to ask a question:

Why did the "Gedolim" put out such vigorous denunciation of R' Slifkin's "kefira," while remaining virtually silent on the widespread and growing kefira in Lubavitch? Where are all the chas v'sholom chas v'sholoms regarding them?

As everyone likes to point out, R' Slifkin's claims have a basis in the mesorah, even if only by cherry-picking. The idea that a specific dead man will rise again to be the Mochiach ben Dovid is not only in violation of one of the ikkarei emunah, but undoes a crucial distinction used to deny Christianity. Where's the outrage? Nor has it stopped with messianic claims. Claims of the ex-Rebbe's divinity have sprung up and are flourishing. Right at this moment, Christian scholars are avidly observing Lubavitch to see for themselves how something like a empty tomb dogma could have arisen (pun intended) so quickly.

Very few Orthodox leaders have risked speaking up on the Messianism issue. Rav Shach blasted Lubavitch in the 1980s, saying their wine was yayin nesech and that the religion most similar to Judaism is Lubavitch, but it had almost no effect and was a nearly unique event. That was before the Lubavitcher Rebbe died, and it's gotten even worse since then, with even greater silence. There have been some stirrings worth noting, even if just to highlight how sparse and tame they are. The RCA put out a statement and the OU published an article in Jewish Action. R' Elya Svei had a go at them, a rare exception to the no-speaking-up rule. The Moetzes said something bland (intentionally ignoring the MO groundwork), but did nothing substantive.

One reason Chabad has been given a pass is that they're so useful. Want to find some kosher food in Bangkok? A minyan in Kansas? Open the phonebook and look for the local Lubavitch house. In a sense, they've infiltrated the infrastructure, becoming too hard to remove without losing the patient. Like mitochondria in a cell that carry their own DNA, Chabad mashichists are powerhouses of foreign material that was absorbed into the body, converting (no pun intended) a symbiotic relationship into an integral one.

Another reason for the laissez-faire attitude is looks. Lubavitchers look and dress yeshivish, and are meticulous in observance of halakha (for now? They're already changing the liturgy). This causes people to let their guard down; after all, how bad can they be if they're frum? The irony of this attitude is that it's backwards. The reason why R' Slifkin got hit so fiercely is because he's chareidi and/or frum, or at least is thought to represent them. His books can thus be sold in seforim stores, stocked by shul libraries, etc. By coming from the inside, his ideas are thus able to pierce the reality distortion bubble. That's the very danger of Chabad. They look frum, so their heretical ideas can infect the Orthodox. Like a virus sheathed in a human protein disguise, their familiar look avoids an immune response, allowing them to subvert the cellular machinery for their own ends.

This R.D.B. is also why outsiders like Shmarya of Failed Messiah have little effect. Just like Tamar Ross is not going to get anything done with her feminist agenda because she's not Orthodox, no one outside Lubavitch can really influence their direction. At this point, half of the readers are thinking, what the heck (no cursing on GH's blog!) do you care? Actually, I don't! In fact, it's a bit encouraging to see how rapidly Orthodoxy can be taken down. Still, since you True Believers are slacking off on the job, I've decided to help you out.

Here's what you need to do:

The only way to end a messianic movement is with a humiliating crisis. Not just a pedestrian crisis like the death of the purported messiah. No, Christianity has shown how easy that one is to work around. That won't do the trick; these nuts are hard to crack. Had Shabetai Tzvi just died rather than converting, his movement might still be going strong. If you want to put an end to the mashichist movement, you need to embarrass them so badly that no excuse will be enough.

Find a charismatic actor who once was frum. Train him extensively in Lubavitch mythology, terminology and set him loose. Set up a fake following of those who claim that he's the Second Coming of the Rebbe, what everyone's been waiting for. Use astroturfing [phony grassroots support] to build up his reputation, letting rumor and hope do their job. If done right, an undeniably large segment of the mashichists will latch onto him as the answer to their prayers. Let the snowball avalanche into huge proportions, climaxing with a breathlessly awaited address to the Hassidim. This speech will be the crescendo, the time and place where he announces himself to the world as the Messiah. That speech should go as follows:

"Hi, my name is Jonathan Stern. I'm an actor, not a rebbe, and certainly not the messiah. You've all been punked."

Then he tosses off his yarmulke and walks off stage and screen. That should do it, don't you think?

It's a good bet that by the time you read this, this post will have a disclaimer placed above it by GH. Pay it no mind; it's just what I do to keep people from realizing we're the same person.

Ha! Fooled you Mis-nagid. The disclaimer is below your post. Actually, there is not much to disclaim. You are right, I don’t think many (non Chabad) people would argue with that, certainly not David Berger.

The question is, why are the Gedolim ignoring such a serious threat? Is it really because Chabad look frum and do useful kiruv work? Is there perhaps a more sinister reason?