Foster care and the Jewish community

May is National Foster Care Month, a time to promote awareness of foster care and the need for foster families.

According to the Connecticut Department of Child and Family Services, there are around 3,264 children in Connecticut in the foster care system and approximately 2,100 foster homes. But very few of these homes are Jewish.

While more and more Jewish families are adopting small children and infants from overseas, very few Jewish families serve as foster parents in the state of Connecticut.

"In the world of foster care the Jewish population is very much under-represented," said Linda Stanger, recruitment and family support specialist at Klingberg Family Centers, a private placement agency. "The first response I get is 'Well, if you have a Jewish child, let me know.'"

The truth is, there don't seem to be many Jewish children in need of foster care.

Steve Roe, a representative of DCF, said that the agency doesn't keep track of the religion of the foster children in their system and that are unable to tell us how many are Jewish.

Jewish Family Service of New Haven is the only JFS in the state that handles foster care placement. The agency recruits foster parents of all ethnicities, religions and backgrounds, helps train them and licenses them to become foster families. JFS of New Haven handles Specialized/Therapeutic foster care - placement of foster children with behavioral or serious health issues - and has a team of four or five workers who handle the anywhere between 22 - 35 foster children they work with on a regular basis.

Elaine Benevides, L.S.W. with JFS of New Haven, said that JFS does not get many referrals to place Jewish children and that none of the families she places children with are Jewish.

"I don't know what the issue is. We are not clear about that. It's a problem," Benevides said.

Linda Stanger, who has worked in the foster care world for many years and who is an active member of the Greater Hartford Jewish community, says she knows of only a few Jewish children who have needed to be placed in the foster care system over the years.

But she explains that there are plenty of other kids who do need foster homes - and more Jewish families could -- and should -- provide these homes.

"This is the Jewish question: 'What is the difference between 'mitzvah' and 'chesed?'" Stanger asked. "As a mitzvah, one interpretation is that we are commanded to take care of other Jews. Chesed, an act of compassion, would be to take care of children outside of our community. My position is that we need to take care of all of the children. We say prayers every morning that say, 'We need to take care of the orphans.' It doesn't say Jewish orphans."

Inviting foster children into the community

At The Klingberg Center, Stanger handles long-term placement - when a child needs to be placed with a foster family anywhere from six months up to several years.

"There are families who can't take care of their kids," Stanger said. "Most birth families really do want their kids back, but they are not able to have them."

One Jewish child needing foster care did come to Stanger's attention last December, and through the network of local rabbis and synagogues, Stanger was able to find a Jewish foster family for the child.

But the thought of adopting children who may come from other religious or cultural backgrounds may intimidate some Jewish families.

"Sometimes families say to me, 'What am I going to do, make this kid go to synagogue with me? Am I going to make this child sit at a Friday night dinner...force this child to sit at a seder? And my answer to that is, 'That is not a bad thing.' We invite people into the community all the time," Stanger said. "You are not trying to convert the child, but you are inviting the child into the community, and they can choose. And when that happens, the child feels very much a part of what is going on."

Besides the Rynar- Miller family in Simsbury, Rabbi Mendy Samuels of Chabad of the Valley said he knows of another local Jewish foster family who takes small babies into their home for weeks, sometimes months.

"I can't think of a greater thing in the world than for a young child to have such love and caring," he continued. "So, I do think the Jewish community does get involved, but thank G-d, because it doesn't plague our community as much, perhaps we are not involved as maybe others might be."

"I think foster care is a very tough thing to do because you don't get to keep the child," he added. "You grow very close to them, and then all of a sudden you have to give them back. I think it is a very difficult thing to do."

But still, the rabbi said, taking in any child is a mitzvah.

"There is no question, if there is a child who needs a home, sure that would be great...But if you have a child of a certain ethnicity or religion, it would be optimal, probably, that that child get adopted or get a foster family in a home where they are surrounded by their culture. I think it would make it easier for the child, but I don't think that is always possible."